The first of many to come...

So I think I am going to write a blog. This seems strange to say considering I already do write a blog. But I don't mean once and a while... I'll take the time to write something, I mean actually writing something everyday. What I felt that day, what my thoughts were, I suppose just my over all feeling. I am not going to overly care about grammar or sentence structure because I feel that would take away from the feeling of what I am saying.

I have noticed in my writing that if I am too concious of how I am writing I lose my train of thought or start over analyzing what I've said. This is not what I want out of this blog. I want to put my thoughts in writing so I can clear my mind and be ready to take on another day.

I feel like my life is about to go through some changes. I have realized that I haven't really made any decisions for myself in years. Actually tonight as I was washing dishes I realized something quite interesting. There is a lot of pressure being the only child a parent feels they have. As a result of my sister not being in my dads life, I have felt that I have to compensate for their failed relationship. All the pressure of my dad still having a family comes down to me. For years I did absolutely nothing to ever 'rock the boat'.Why? because I would feel guilty that if I removed myself from the situation he would be all alone. Shit this pisses me off because I was never like this. If I wanted something I went for it, always. It was rare when anything stopped me. But now what have I become? A push over afraid of confrontation because it's easier to deal with life.
But is it really? Because here I am now feeling like I am in a tough position because I don't remember how to do something for myself.

This is what I need to work on. This is what I will work on. The direction of my life depends on me and me only. I should be motivation enough to want to succeed and be happy.

This is the first step...