My Realization

I want a family. I am afraid of this though. As much as I believe for myself that all will work out well, that there will be no divorce, no disconnected relationship with my children, that we will share our dreams and aspirations together, I feel that I may have disallusions to reality. Whenever I share this idea with people, the usual response is good luck! Nice dreams you have but don't count on it. I try with everything that I have to shut out those negative comments. But honestly, I don't need people to tell me this, it is my own personal fear without influence.

I want to love my husband unconditionally. I want a life of adventure, honesty and devotion. I don't expect every moment to be perfect. A happily ever after is a nice idea though I also like the idea of working on the relationship.

I have learned, I am a mother at heart. I always was. I will be 24 in a few weeks, no I don't want to have children in the next couple years but I would certainly like to within the next 6 years. I always said, children before I'm 30. I don't want to be in my later years and my children are still growing. With how quick society changes, I would like to still be able to relate to them as they are growing. Also I know once I hit my 50's I would like that time to be for me, not that you ever forget about your children, but I want to be able to have a balance and if my children are still in that developmental stage I wouldn't be able to accomplish my goals to the same extent.

Some of my friends get frusterated when I express that I want children by a certain age. They don't understand why I am planning this. Planning is bad. They say well what if that doesn't happen, what ever are you going to do? I hate that, just because I can express my aspirations doesn't mean my world will fall apart if the plan changes a bit. It's strange their reactions, I feel confident with what I want for myself but friends aren't overly supportive. Not that it affects my decisions, but it's worth mentioning. Strange.

I want to live in a small town, with history. I want their to be forests for my children to experience. I want a porch where I can sit read and write. I want access to water, I have always been drawn to water. AND I want a beautiful kitchen. I love cooking. I want space to create and enjoy, then share with my family and friends. I want a special place where my husband and I are able to revel at the beauty of our surroundings. And I would like to live close to schools so the children can walk their way over.

It all sounds too good to be true to most, but this is what I want. Why are we not allowed to dream big?