Well here I am 10 days before I leave...what do I think? What do I feel? Both I probably shouldn't put down in words for anyone to know. But what I can say is from the beginning of the year I have been working to get to a better place. A place where I recognize myself again and move forward being that person. It's gone pretty damn well. Yes, there have been some rough patches through the months but I suppose that's all par for the course.
I'm just feeling a little unsettled though, life is about to change again, and I'm happy about the change but it makes me feel ancious at the same time. I seem to stir everyone's life up with my decisions and with the one I'm contemplating, it is gauranteed to change people's lives around me. I shouldn't be concerned with this, as it was one of my problems I worked through this year. Doing what's better for those and not myself first. I must do what I want for me. If those in my life want me in theirs they will have to accept this.
I started writing the other day while I was supposed to be working but I couldn't shut my brain up so I wrote:
How do I feel?
Torn, Confused, Excited, Content, Frusterated, Emotional
I feel I can't trust my instincts. Why? Is it because I'm afraid I'm right or terrified I'm wrong? I don't understand it.
If I trust my instincts then I would get everything I've ever wanted. Or would I? There we go again...lack of trust. Damn it!
Maybe time will tell, I'm just running out of time. Why do things seem to get so close then just fade away?
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